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By David Coppi

Dear Shirley,

You have been a wonderful magician’s assistant over the past six years and I am deeply sorry that I accidently sawed you in half during our last show. Accidents happen in magic and while it is unfortunate that your legs are now completely independent of your torso, I think even you will be impressed when you see the number of hits the footage garnered on YouTube.

As you know I have been a magician for over twenty years and during that time I have had several assistants. Please believe me when I say that I have never had an assistant as loyal or talented as you. Now is certainly not the time for blaming and finger pointing but we both know that it is your responsibility to check the props and equipment before show time so I can’t help but feel that some of the blame rests with you.

Having said that, I know that the doctors are trying their best to reattach your two halves. I let the head surgeon know that you are very fond of dancing and we both agreed that it may be challenging to dance in the future with the absence of two functioning legs. The surgeon joked with me that he understands some women go to great lengths in order to lose weight but he felt that this was quite a drastic approach. We laughed and laughed and then arranged to go wine tasting together on the weekend.

Once again, please accept my apology Shirley. I have had to temporarily replace you with a younger and admittedly more attractive assistant but I’m sure you’ll be welcomed back with open arms when you’re back up and running, pardon the pun.

Yours, The Incredible Steve.

P.S. I forgot to tell you another joke the surgeon made. He asked one of the nurses if you had been drinking because when you presented to the emergency room you were legless! I truly am looking forward to the wine tasting on the weekend. I think we may become firm friends.